The Worst Witch

Alissa sat there. Staring at the bounty before her. All the ingredients were carefully laid out on the table, along with her favorite accessories; the mortar and pestle her mother had gifted her for her 13th birthday, her grandmother’s ancient mixing bowl, and the wand she had spent an entire weekend crafting. She had grown and dried all the herbs in her own backyard and carefully tracked the celestial phases. For all intents and purposes, she had everything she needed. Somehow, she just couldn’t get started.

Artwork provided by AR Clark

It stemmed from the fact that she was a mediocre witch, and that was probably being generous. She worked so hard at being less than average! She studied for hours a day, more often than not jerking away at her desk as the sun crested the horizon. She knew the history, had memorized the practical and magical uses for at least three hundred plants, and knew countless spells by heart. The depth and breadth of her knowledge made her every teacher’s pet, and her parents frequently called on her to show off her talents of memorization for family and friends. Practitioners who had been at the craft for decades would consult her for recommendations when their spells weren’t working quite right.

So why did she suck so abysmally hard at casting? She would lay awake at night, for the few hours she allowed herself to rest, going over and over every dud spell that had come across her altar. She had consulted her few trusted advisors countless times. As far as any of them could tell, Alissa had done everything with a technical perfection that was a work of art in itself. The spells always came out flat, though. They worked, but in the most subtle, diminished way. Everyone came to her for her knowledge, but they never asked her for her spellwork.

Which was fine, she supposed. It just left her feeling so empty and pointless; why work so hard to attain all this knowledge and not be able to do anything with it? Sure, she could be a teacher, but that held little interest to her. She saw how hard her teachers worked and heard the indifferent and sometimes spiteful ways her fellow students treated them, and she didn’t see the sense of subjecting herself to a lifetime of such treatment. She enjoyed magic well enough. It was interesting how the right combination of things could exact such powerful results. Again, she had the power of the knowledge, but the strength of the end result was beyond her reach.

Alissa sighed and sunk in her seat, considering whether or not she should just put everything away and try again another time. Before she could start packing it in, Alexander, her beautiful feline familiar, gracefully pitter pattered across the room, lept up and curled in her lap. The familiar weight and warmth of his body and comforting sound of his purr helped fill the emptiness in Alissa’s heart. With a smile, she lovingly drew her hand along his silken back, pausing at the base of his tail for a scratch. His eyes closed to savor the sensation, and Alissa could feel the deep sense of satisfaction her touch sparked. Having a familiar was her favorite part of being a witch. She couldn’t imagine living without the deep connection she and Alex shared.

It’s okay kiddo. It’s okay, and it will be okay.

Alissa rolled her eyes and smiled in response to his thought-talk.

You always say that.

And I always mean it.

Alissa let the “yeah, but….” response form not on her lips, but in her emotions. She sent Alex the feelings of frustration, confusion, and disappointment that set like a wet towel over her heart. Alex raised himself up from her lap to nuzzle his head against her chin. He sent a response of understanding and love back, but included thoughts, knowing she often needed the definition words could provide.

You know what’s behind your casting. Effort and dedication can change many things, but this isn’t one of them.

Alissa’s expression pinched, and prickles danced along her scalp as the truth of his statement landed like a cement block. She knew he was right, and somehow that deeply offended her sense of morality. The flame of anger ate the triggered thoughts as kindling; the countless hours of study, the drudgery of trying again and again and again and never getting better, never making headway. She could feel the rage starting to unfurl the tight control she habitually held over her body and thoughts. Her jaw clamped shut and her teeth started grinding. She could feel her body coiling into a tight spring, in preparation of the pending explosion.

It’s not fair!

Alex twitched in response to the intensity of the thought and the emotion behind it. He sent compassion to soothe her, weaving in a sense of respect that came from seeing her dogged determination and the tyrannical standards to which she held herself. It helped a little, calmed Alissa’s fire just enough to let the reality of the situation solidify from the smoke. With a sigh, she didn’t necessarily admit defeat, but she could at least see the path from where she stood.

I don’t like magic.

Time seemed to stop for Alissa. She had barely admitted that truth to her deepest self, much less expressing it so definitively. The shame and horror she felt was instantly tamed by the crushing wave of pride she could feel flowing from Alex.

And it’s okay. It’s okay, and it will be okay.

Alissa sat for a second as the perspective of her short existence balanced itself against the infinite ebb and flow of the universe. That microscopic shift was enough to introduce the possibility of a different reality.

What if she stopped trying so hard?

What if she paused her current track and figured out what she did like, what called to her?

What if she put aside the concerns of disappointing her parents and teachers in order to dedicate her time and attention to herself?

What if she directed the fanatical focus to something that mattered to her?

What kind of magic could she produce then?

Alex once again curled into Alissa’s lap and settled in for a nap as he felt her thoughts being lifted away to this new potential existence. Her hand started its habitual stroking of his back and he purred in deep contentment. Alissa hadn’t found her power yet, but she had opened herself to the idea that she had power. That was the bit of magic that would turn into the most impressive spell she would ever cast.